Saturday, September 25, 2010

Coming to terms

So I started this project about a week ago, rounded up all my participants and planned out this blog, thinking to myself the whole time about how great it was going to be.  I was going to do wonders; I was going to get up and have breakfast and eat healthy and exercise, and I had every honest intention of doing just exactly that.

Those intentions lasted until probably late Tuesday evening.  At some point after posting my intro, the reality of what I had posted hit me hard, and I spent the entire rest of the week in a serious funk that bordered on depression.  Who was I kidding, my nasty little inner voice asked me.  What did I really think I was going to be able to accomplish?

And because I listened to that inner voice, I accomplished almost nothing.

Oh, I went grocery shopping on Thursday, but I haven't actually cooked anything, and yesterday, I confess, I went to Sonic and got the big double cheeseburger and tater tots.  And it was delicious.  And after I got home, I sat down in front of my computer, feeling like a big fat schlub, and I read Zephyr's post, and I cried a little bit, because I felt like a huge, disgusting, fat loser.

Today has been a bit better.  I had an actual breakfast, and an actual lunch, and though I've drunk a Coke, I've only drunk one Coke (rather than six), and I've also drunk some V8.  I haven't done anything active, but I've done some things better than I did them yesterday, and that's a step in the right direction.

My biggest problem is fatalism.  No matter the project, I feel it's doomed from the start.  Then, if things get screwed up, that just reinforces the whole I'm-a-failure motif going on in my head.  And then, oh, I feel so much better after a handful of Oreos or a big bowl of ice cream covered in chocolate sauce. 

That's okay.

My original goal was to spend two weeks getting my eating habits in order and starting an exercise program.  Well, I blew the first week - but I still have another week left.  And I'm going to do this, dammit.  I can do this.  This is not going to beat me.


  1. Oh, that little voice. Know it well. Don't listen to it! It's EVIL!

    Change of any kind isn't easy, but it is scary. All the little things we did before to make ourselves feel better, we're denying ourselves. And our mind kind of freaks out about that, and wakes the voice up, telling it to tell us to go back to normal.

    Give yourself time to get used to the "New Normal". You may have days that you can't do it, that you go back to the "Old Normal". And that's okay. Just think to yourself,

    "I didn't blow it. I'm not a failure. It happened, yes, but now it's over and the next bite I take, or drink I sip, will be a healthier choice."

    Change is hard. Making those changes a habit even harder. I read it takes 60 days to create a habit. Daunting? Sure. But you can do it, I believe in you!


  2. It takes 21 days to form a habit, in general. A habit that's such a big a change as this, that involves so many little parts are not only more complicated and intense, but will understandably take longer. Don't beat yourself up for this when you're less than two weeks into it. You're still going to rock this and get healthy, and it'll be awesome. :D